Should I tell my daughter her father is a drug addict?

bobby d
#1. September 26th, 2009, at 1:55 AM.

no it will just heart her little heart.

Sirius
#2. September 28th, 2009, at 10:34 PM.

you should all go to counseling

eli_717
#3. October 3rd, 2009, at 11:54 PM.

my mom and dad told me about my uncles drug abuse when i was 7 or 8 please do tell her it is important she doesnt blame herself

whooaa baby ! ;]
#4. October 6th, 2009, at 3:30 AM.

im thirteen and if my mom told me that when i was 9 i would be confused. you should probabally tell her that her father loves her and that he has a problem. also that he is getting help and will be back soon. school counselors and family counselors are a good idea. this will help her understand that this is not her fault. do not tell her her dad is a drug addict yet. i dont think she is ready for that. if she can visit him that would be good so she can interact with her father under a supervised area. stay strong. hope i helped.

Lela A
#5. October 6th, 2009, at 5:59 PM.

since the child is 9 years old, you can tell her the truth, that dad has addiction issues without going into full details until she is much older, children are very smart and can figure things out themselves..truth is always the best way to communication

xiajade
#6. October 8th, 2009, at 12:54 PM.

Tell her the truth. Tell her that her father has a drug addiction problem. Ask her if she understands what that is. Clarify any misunderstandings. Make sure she knows that none of it is her fault, and let her know you love her and you will be there for her and there to answer any questions she has. Also counseling might help.

DO NOT LIE TO HER!!! That would be your biggest mistake. She will lose her faith and trust in you. Even if all you are doing is trying to “protect” her.

Also, does she talk to her father often? Will she be able to talk to him about all this? I feel he should let her know that he still loves her, even if he is having difficulties with addiction right now.

16 -n- Dec
#7. October 11th, 2009, at 8:35 PM.

Better tell her than have her worrying. I wish (my folks) would have told me something like that instead of having me feel like an outsiders. I don’t even know my dad.

Anyway back on subject,yes you should tell her. She’ll understand.

Doctor.Ashley.Proctoligist
#8. October 12th, 2009, at 1:49 AM.

yes you should

tshepard182
#9. October 13th, 2009, at 2:24 PM.

First tell her about drugs…. educate her her on what they are and let her realize that there is a problem outside her “world”. Let her know that drug addiction can happen to anyone of any social economic class and let her know that these people need and deserve help. Then tell her about her dad. She will eventually find out, and the later it is, the more resentment she will have due to growing older and learning more (becoming her own person), if you keep lying to her about her dad, she will then be more mad at you the longer it takes for her to find the truth. This whole time she is thinking one thing, which grows a part of you, and then later she finds the truth and the part of her that was a lie is now known to be a lie…. depending on her personality, this could be very hard on her to find out she was being lied to. But first, teach her about drugs and let her know that it “Just Isn’t Her Dad” that has the problem. Hope you all get through this…

Joey
#10. October 14th, 2009, at 3:21 AM.

Dear , Mrs / Miss you have a very difficult decision to make to be honest i wouldn’t tell your 9 year old her dad is a drug addict not in so many words as it could upset her extremely knowing her dad is a drug addict . about a year ago my dad was arrested for being a large drug smuggler however i didn’t know anything about it and it made me very upset to find the news at age 14 . i would say something down the lines that your daddy loves you very much and that he going through a crazy moment in his life and he needs some help or something down those lines . Don’t go by the way your daddy not here because he too busy injecting himself . As this will cause problems with you and the dad . I think the bets idea is to speak to the dad and tell him to explain to her 9 year old . and you should have a chat and tell him he needs to think of his daughter when he injecting himself . I am not one for judge being as my family is very corrupted but hey that doesn’t make me a bad person does it .

Jazz Hands
#11. October 16th, 2009, at 6:24 AM.

That is a real pickle. Before opening the question, I expected you were a resentful mother bent out on tainting her father’s image for her, and was about to give you a scolding, but I don’t believe that describes you at all.

Part of me thinks that honesty is the best policy. Being honest will allow for free and open discussion. Thinking back to when I was that age, I believe that letting her know the truth will have the effect of making her feel respected, mature, and “old enough to handle the truth.” I think if you treat it with maturity, you will get that type of response from her in kind.

However… she is approaching her pre-teen years, and that is when girls especially like to emulate adults, sometimes by engaging in things that are exclusively for adults. I don’t think this will be much of a problem, because she isn’t exposed his drug use, but it’s something to consider.

After weighing the pro’s and con’s, my opinion is that you should tell her in a mature and respectful way, but be completely open, frank, be prepared to answer questions, and caring about how she feels, so even if she gets pissed at you, accept it, whether it’s warranted or not. Perhaps you can “soften the blow” with a mini “girls-night-out” style vacation, shopping trip, or a day off of school.

There is a resource below for teachers who suspect a child’s parents are abusers. It’s not quite the same, but it’s something.

Pandalynn
#12. October 17th, 2009, at 3:48 AM.

Yes you should tell her the truth. Its always hard telling a child about the other parent when it comes to things like this. But the sooner she knows the better it will be for both of you. Let her know its not her fault that hes gone when he is. Your daughter will respect you for telling her the truth. Start out by saying “This isn’t easy for me to tell you” and then go on from there. And if her father loves her tell her that her father loves her. You can also tell her that her father has problems he needs to work on.and that he needs to get help. I hope this helps. Good Luck and God bless you.

natalie
#13. October 18th, 2009, at 10:51 AM.

shes still too young and wouldn’t understand. i suggest u wait a bit longer..

kaye
#14. October 21st, 2009, at 6:23 PM.

well I think yes. she would know it eventually so it is better that you will be the one to tell her. some government and private programs help with this kind of situation. you can visit here for more info.

Crix M
#15. October 23rd, 2009, at 2:09 AM.

Tell her the truth and then explain what happen and tell her that his father is going to be okay soon since he has undergone treatment however for your husband I guess you should refer her to the right rehab center so that he can get the best treatment and get clean forever.